If you can’t calm down, you can expect consequences — You seem tense, as though you’re about to freak the hell out for no reason. It’s making me feel concerned for you and the rest of us, especially me. You need to either let yourself relax or relax under duress because if you don’t cool down immediately, it’s all going…

You’re free to fall apart — as long as you keep it together — “Having a midlife crisis is expensive.” — Gail Sheedy No gratitude practice or fish oil supplement can hold back the ravages of time. As you hit 40 or 50, you may lose enthusiasm for things you used to love — such as work, sex, or remaining alive. The good times…

Read it, live it, do it — The following article contains all the life advice you’ll ever need. When you finish reading it, you’ll be ready for anything life has to throw at you and you won’t have to read any more articles. Know yourself You have to spend a lot of time in your own company, so it’s…

Get sadness out of your system before you embarrass yourself — Joy is your birthright. As a human, you are designed to seek and find happiness. If you feel bad, you screwed up. Time to fix that. Grief is inevitable. But it’s a bad look. These six tips will help you flush it out of your system before you embarrass yourself.

It’s hip to get snipped, and it’s nice to get sliced — Fellas! Your Uncle Emerson hates many things, but I don’t hate kids. If your kids are annoying, it’s probably your fault. Nevertheless, I don’t want kids, so I got a vasectomy. And if you’re not absolutely sure you want kids, or more kids, you should get a vasectomy, too.

Call me what you will — just acknowledge my humanity — Disability activists discourage you from using words such as “crazy” as pejoratives, much as they do with “lame” and other embarrassing ’90s slang. They’ve had some success with this, and I’m mostly on board. After all, it’s not their inherent traits but their actions that make people terrible. I slip…

Managing depression and ADHD in the twilight of the War on Drugs — “How many conversations are going on in your head right now?” Five, not counting the one that did the math on that. That was the first time a therapist suggested I get checked out for ADHD. …

A real man’s guide to being a real man — When you’re a real man, there are no rules. Except for one. You must obey the nine diamond laws of manhood. Nobody loves you for you (unless they need an organ) No one will ever really love you unless you love yourself, in which case, you’ll be loved by precisely one person. If anyone…

Surf, sand, sun, grit, and candy-colored chaos — Dear Venice Beach, I moved in with you to escape the wreckage of my life in Hollywood and start fresh. I succeeded beyond my wildest expectations. No one who lives in Los Angeles crosses the 405 freeway for any reason, so in terms of my social life, I may as…